


Dreams

by Leviachan



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 11:39:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13500996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leviachan/pseuds/Leviachan
Summary: He tried to sleep, sleeping sometimes made the pain stop.





	Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> This was rushed, forgive me

Gamzee sat in the horn pile, his eyes half lidded and bloodshot. He looked blearily at the husktop in front of him, his migraine growing from the brightness of the screen. All he could hear was the humming of the computers around him on various tables. He twitched idly, this room used to be filled with the humdrum of his friends, the only people that truly looked after him and made him shower. He was alone now. The only people left avoided him unless he was needed, but that was fuckin’ fine by him, it’s not like they really cared about im anyway, karkat was only his moirail to keep him from hurting everyone else, like gamzee was some kind of monster, and karkat was just a shitty fence to keep him from everyone else. 

He mashed the palm of his hand on his forehead, the thoughts didn’t stop, the painful ones, the ones that made him hate himself far more than he ever wanted, the spoor could keep these thoughts away, but there wasn’t any more of that left. There was only gamzee and his thoughts. He shut the husktop and set it aside, reclining into the horn pile, a few stray horns heard. He inhaled, and exhaled, nice and slow. 

Rarely did gamzee let sleep overtake him, but when it did, 2 out of 5 times it wasn’t a nightmare. He focused on making sure he was breathing nice and slow, relaxing every tense muscle in his body. With just a few more soft breaths, he sank deeper and deeper within himself, soft hazy memories cradling him into a place where his mistakes couldn’t burn him nor harm him. 

Yes, the bard of rage went somewhere rage couldn’t reach him. 

Deeper

Deeper

~*~  
His eyes slid open and he was bathed in alternian moonlight. 

Gamzee could hear the sounds of the waves, so close, if they were any closer, the water would be tickling his ears. When he shifted he could tell he was on the beach still, sitting in the soft sand that was around his hive. That most likely meant his guest didn’t want to move him. He sat up slowly, looking around for said guest. Instead he was met with more land bathed in alternian moonlight and the smell of salt heavy in his nose. 

He carefully got to his feet, remembering that last time he was here, he had removed his shoes and drifted away barefoot with his head in his lap.   
That’s right, gamzee was missing a guest, his special guest that was here for him and him only. 

He turned toward his hive and decided to head there, maybe said guest was inside. He walked until sand met dirt and he was walking on the rough terrain with his oh so callous troll feet. As he neared the steps he could hear a bit of shuffling inside. He couldn’t help the smile that slapped him in the face as he grabbed the doorknob and pushed the door open with a loud ‘I’m home sweetie!’. 

Blank white eyes met purple and for a moment, things were right on alternia, or rather make believe alternia.   
“Good morning gamzee” tavros beamed. 

Gamzee could melt just from the sight alone, he whispered out a smooth ‘hi tav’ under his breath before sliding closer to wrap his arms around him. Everytime gamzee touched him, the touches seemed like they were the last time they were going to touch. Tavros just laughed at his friend, patting him on the back ecstatically before pulling away. 

“I hope you don’t mind-“

“I never do, brother”

“I cleaned up a bit”

Gamzee could see, and he appreciated everything about it, he appreciated his best bro, his special bro. 

“But gamzee, theres something we need to talk about-“ 

No not this again. 

“The dream bubble is-“

He faded out, his mind screaming no, it was a lie, its not fair, its not right, its not what gamzee wanted. 

“I just think that soon I ought to-“

In all of gamzees life, no one cared for him like tavros, his own parental unit that was supposed to watch over him just abandoned him too, everyone always abandoned him or simply ‘put up’ with him. But not tavros, never tavros, tavros cared about his opinions and who he was as a being. 

Gamzee gently papped his hand over tav’s mouth, “Brother shhhh, none of that noise right now, right now we are gonna have an amazing day” He said and tavros made a face but nodded. 

From there their day was filled with limitless fun. 

The deadly duo was spitting fires so ill that strider could get sick if he were present. They cracked jokes, played fidu spawn, flarped just a little bit, and made any kind of grub loaf that they could imagine. The day was what gamzee fantasized about all his life. Someone to be around him, not out of sense of duty to watch him, but there for him. If he could, gamzee would get severly addicted to this. The sound of his friends laugh, the way his face scrunches when he laughs at one of his own jokes as well as gamzees. They watched all kinds of movies with action and adventure, tavros mouthing all the words to pupa pan, gamzee watched every curve of him as he got excited and acted out a few of the scenes.   
Gamzee’s chest could cave from his blood pusher pumping. 

They made more grub loaf for supper and settled on enjoying it on the beach. They walked until earth met sand and they found a good spot close enough where the waves didn’t go over their little toes. They sat on a nice sized blanket and cuddled up to each other. Gamzee was leaned against tavros’ left side, they minded their horns so he could be nestled nice and close to his best bros neck, he could feel his pulse. He took a bite of the loaf, tavros taking a bite of his. 

They watched as the moon began to set, it began to settle on the horizon as the sun began to rise behind them. Gamzee could see it now, the cracks, they were getting bigger, stronger, threatening the end of his momentary joy. He could feel tavros shift, he knew that tavros saw them and wanted to talk about them again. Gamzee clenched his eyes shut and considered slamming his hands over his ears to keep his friend from reminding him that the universe just wants him to hurt. 

“Gamzee….I think its time” His tone was so sad, cracking at the end. 

His stomach sank to the sand and beyond, to the center of alternia, the molten hot core. He pulled away from tavros slowly; the other turned and faced him. If there was never a good time, now was it, now was the time. His hands came up and cupped tavros’ cheeks. He wanted to savor the moments he had left before it was all over. Gamzee felt bile swirl around inside of him; he could throw up from anxiety alone. At first tavros’ eyebrows knitted together in worry, but he relaxed in gamzees hands. They could hear the sky cracking, they both flinched, it sounded so close to thunder. 

“Tav, my main bro,” Gamzee began, his voice wavering, “I’m sorry” Was all he managed before he could feel the tears gather in his eyes and he got choked up. What was we sorry for? It wasn’t his fault that vriska broke tavros down. Be it physically, mentally, and verbally. Not to mention kanaya taking his legs off, equius fitting him with new ones, only for vriska to snuff what was left of him out. 

“I know” The other managed back, sniffling, his hands rose up ontop of gamzees and for a moment, the fear was gone, the cracking stopped, things were okay.   
But the cracking returned, harder and stronger than ever and there was nothing they could do but let it happen. From the first time he found this place, to this final time, gamzee never wanted it to end. They both were trembling, gamzees voice was dying in his throat, but if he never said it, it would eat him from the inside out like some kind of maggot infestation under his skin. 

“Tav I pity you,” He blurted out desperately, nearly clinging to the other boy, “I pity you more than anything, just please don’t leave me” His voice was rising in desperation.   
Tavros’ eyes remained wide at what gamzee said, and while doubt was creeping up on gamzee, he couldn’t go back now. Instead of rejection like he expected, tavros threw his arms around gamzee, pulling him closer, he pressed against him, trembling and trying not to cry. 

“Gamzee, please, when you get back, please just-“ The world began to fall apart, things were cracking and disappearing, “Just tell everyone they’ll make it, I’m so proud of you, don’t give up gamzee-” The pad of his thumb was wiping tears from his cheek, "You're better than who you were gamzee, I just know it"

They were so close, chest to chest, nose to nose, so close, too close, things were falling apart, they were falling apart, “Gamzee, tell vriska I…..I forgive her” And before gamzee could argue, the dream bubble began to slip away, it began to crash away, it was trickling into nothingness and he could do nothing but watch. 

He clung desperately to him; gamzee would take him back to the world of the living if he could. 

But he couldn’t. 

Gamzee pressed closer, if possible and just as their lips brushed, just as it all came together perfectly while the world fell apart, the ground shook, the winds roared, the sky cracked, and the waves threatened to swallow them whole. But for just that second, where their lips touched, nothing could touch them anymore, nothing could hurt them. Gamzee pulled away to say it once more, ‘I pity you’. But just as he pulled back, tavros smiled and when he opened his mouth, all the warmth from him was sucked out instantly.

The dream bubble popped. 

Gamzee was left floating in nothingness as he woke up.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, if you like it, leave a comment and or kudos


End file.
